Saturday, January 30, 2010

Reflections on not Being Reflective

I love my wife. Insanely so. She is beautiful, intelligent, and creative as well as very deep with a poetic heart...everything I love.

But I have to admit I'm a little jealous sometimes of just how deep and reflective her thoughts are. I mean, in the midst of the most mundane chores of daily life, she has these deeply reflective insights that, when she shares them with me, I think, "Holy cow. Why didn't reading that box of macaroni and cheese hit me that way?"

So, I suppose I just have to face it. As deep and reflective as I've always wanted to be, I'm just...not. I'm not saying I don't have my own moments of epiphany where God speaks to me in just the right way so that what he says resonates in my soul with the exact harmonic vibration that alters my DNA permanently. It just doesn't seem to happen nearly as often as it does for my wife. :)

Not being a reflective person does occasionally have its upsides, however. I can usually make it through the supermarket without getting overwhelmed by the majesty of a tomato. I can typically listen to a song and completely ignore the impact that's (sometimes though increasingly not) present in the lyrics. I can go for a walk on a beautiful day and simply feel normal.

The problem is, I don't really like being this way. I want to be more; to drink life deeply, to walk with an awareness of God every day, to look for Him in all of life's moments the way Hitchcock devotees look for the master in all of his films; to FIND the beauty and depth in this life that I fully believe God longs for me to have. I want to be reflective.

How do I do that? I dunno. I suppose I can just ask my wife.

1 comment:

Rocky Presley said...

I am just excited that you posted a blog after a year and a half! That's a looooooong time to wait. With Julie and I, it is the opposite, but the downfall that I feel is that she can be moved by the everyday where it takes the extraordinary for me to make any headway. That's frustrating. My wife can just be. Her husband has to do. I want to just be.

You've always made me think though, and I appreciate that about you!